Friday, Dec 4: Jeremiah's Call and Commission

Written by Kerry Cissell

Kerry is a member of Samuel Church, active in various ministries. 

I am not good enough.

I’m certain most people have experienced moments where this simple phrase will creep in and consume one’s mind; a familiar synapse firing in the brain that spawns an emotional black hole which annihilates one’s ability to reason, to think rationally. Critical examination of the situation is not an option at this moment. One almost feels cursed to exist; inadequate, useless, broken, and unworthy of all the good life has to offer.

The brain is a very curious thing. Neuroscience tells us that our minds have a tremendous ability to be shaped, molded, and assembled in ways that will determine the most fundamental aspects of our being. Our ability to reason, to discern, to think critically, to use judgement, and to regulate our emotions are, in large part, shaped for us before we are old enough to take control of the process for ourselves. This process, called neuroplasticity, explains how our brains develop the way they do over time.

Imagine an old country road. The road is still somewhat hidden among the high grass, with a sparsely treaded path made by the tires of a dusty pickup truck. This old road represents the beginnings of new neurological pathways being formed in our brain. We learn a new skill, meet someone for the first time, or are forced into proper dental hygiene as a child, and the neurons fire, creating a new “roadmap” of that experience. And as we continue to tread the same old country road over and over again, the road gets bigger and bigger. The number of pathways increases, eventually creating a super-highway for those neurons that are used most often. These super-highways come to shape our behaviors, our beliefs, our relationships, and our thoughts.

I am not good enough.

The downside is that sometimes our brains can form rather large neural pathways for the thoughts that we can’t seem to let go of. Indeed, the highways of negative self-esteem and depression are well established in my own brain. My mind has unconsciously developed these pathways from a young age, when I was too young to recognize the potential harm that this would cause to my future self, and thus could not make the appropriate corrections to the construction of the highways.

The call to Jeremiah has me reflecting on the fear of the unknown and the importance of developing your mind in a healthy way along life’s journey. As I read it, Jeremiah felt compelled to help be part of the solution to a problem. He wanted to help his people live a more fulfilling life. But his fear of the unknown, and his fear of his own inadequacy, held him back. Perhaps he felt ineffective, or useless. Maybe he felt broken, as if he couldn’t possibly have anything to offer that could be of use to anyone. Jeremiah was not giving his brain a chance for the neurons to develop pathways that would allow him to gain the cognitive abilities needed to endure his journey. He was reluctant, perhaps because he could foresee the difficulty of his task in comparison to the inadequacy he felt. The highways of doubt and low self-esteem in his brain must have looked like rush hour on highway 40.